We are about a month in with virtual learning. While us Parents are working, the Kids classroom blares around us with Kids speaking out of turn and Teachers still trying to figure out how to use the tools in their new virtual world. Sometimes it goes great, most of the time it does not.
Can you see my screen? Where did you go? Hello, can you hear me? Wait. Thats not the correct screen. What about now? Click here. No. There. Wait. Where is my cursor. Can you hear me? Hello? This stupid microphone is not working. How about now? Good. Ok. Can you see my screen?
These are just some of the constant phrases we hear coming from our Child's computer on a daily basis. I have learned which Teachers are more tech savy than others and those that are just dam awful.
For example, my Child sat in on her very first CCD class, which of course was virtual, and instead of learning about Jesus and his peeps, my Child stared at a classroom of kids while the Teacher was calling names out trying to figure out attendance. This went on for 15 minutes. The Teacher was already 15 minutes late as she could not figure how to open the Zoom call. Props to her son who helped her, as she told the Classroom when she finally joined and started the call. Once it finally started and attendance went on and on, I believe my Child, even though she said HERE very loudly at least 8 times, was marked absent that day. I told my Child to say a Hail Mary and an Our Father afterwards for our Teacher.
In our Child's regular classes (false names have been giving to protect the identity) I have learned that Bobby's parents like baseball and are big fans of the Yankees. Susie's dog's name is Peter and likes to bark a lot. John has a bladder issue, or diabetes, as he needs to use the bathroom every 20 minutes. Raj goes on vacation every weekend making the Parents vacation shame him and his family. Little Connor does not know how to go on mute when telling his sister that he has to go poopy and that she should watch him. Tommy does not know how to say the Teacher's name correctly, even after she corrects him every time. This one time Joey had a babysitter who was super nice and gave him treats. Walter loves to ask questions about everything without raising his hand. And the entire classrooms likes to say Hi and Bye to each other for 10 minutes everyday.
I hear this while I dodge cameras mounted on school provided laptops that don't seem to work. Ms Teacher, my connection was lost, I hear as I try to send some emails out. Ms Teacher, my internet is really bad today, says another as I read about how to fix Chromebook microphones on the internet. Ms Teacher, everyone in the room is frozen, I hear as I try to email the School for tech support.
And the Teachers are so close to getting all this virtual teaching thing right, but not quite there yet. Oh don't mind the noise in the background, says a Teacher to a class of Children who do not know or hear any noise coming from the Teacher's background. What noise? I don't hear a noise. Ms Teacher, what noise? This then repeats for 5 minutes. We can see you. I dont hear a noise. Ms Teacher, I see you. Ms Teacher, sorry for the noise. Ms Teacher, my Daddy told me that a fly landed on our Vice President's head and layed babies. Will he become a fly? Ms Teacher, I have to go the bathroom. Oh John. I whisper an Act of Contrition.
Meanwhile, there are 37 folders and areas that the Child is supposed to know where to go to see their assignments. I will say that it is much easier and understandable than the "experiemental period", as I like to call it, back in March. But its a bit overwhelming even for the Parents to keep up with everything. There is this constant Parent struggle of who can understand this better than the other. No, her daily assignments are here. No they are not, they are here. That was yesterdays! are just some of the words coming out of mine and my Wife's mouths trying to win "Best Parent of a Virtual Student" award. My Wife is killing it.
I say to my older Daughter as she comes in the room having a small breakdown, "Why are you in here? You would not be in here if you were in school, right? Because you are in school. If you need help, email the Teacher" Typing those words "email the teacher" to my 8yr old virtual schoolkid just seems so dam wrong. We then fight back and forth about what school really is. I get all philosophical on her and lose her. She then cries. I say a Glory Me prayer and try to move on with my day. Until 35 seconds later, she comes back into the room with her iPad showing me something she wants on Amazon all happy as if our School chat and those tears meant nothing. YOU ARE IN SCHOOL! I yell causing another month of my life removed forever.
Live school starts again next month. We decided to keep our Kids virtual at least until the end of the marking period. This means that my Child will be virtual while other classmates are live together with the Teacher in the real classroom all wearing fun masks. This is gonna be interesting. Until then, I will continue to live vicariously through little Raj and his weekend getaways. That is until Little Johnny has to pee and ruins everything.
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