This morning I awoke to a wonderful new virtual day, hugged my virtual wife and kissed my virtual kids good morning. It was virtually raining out so I was not able to go on my virtual old-person-walk. I logged into my computer instead to start my day as the kids were downstairs eating their breakfast.
I lost track of time and not long after I start to hear my Wife's tone of her voice becoming a bit heightened. This means that I need to go downstairs ASAP and make her a wonderful snobby cup of fresh pourover coffee to get her back into a wonderful mood. I make my way downstairs and realize that class had already started. Ooops. That explains the tone.
Both Children are in separate rooms and sharing their video to the classroom. Just as I pass my older Daughter and her live video, I realize and say almost out loud, "HOLY SHIT. I DONT HAVE A SHIRT ON!"
I expected the older Child to look at me with a face like as if I just walked into her classroom without a shirt on. Thats probably cause I did. Dammit. But she doesn't. She doesn't even notice. Did her class notice??!
I duck under her video and make my way upstairs to put a shirt on and mumble "this really sucks" to myself. "What the hell happened to privacy", I mind scream to my wife. "This coffee is fantastic just like your face and your wonderful body" is mind muffled back to me.
I make my way back downstairs wondering if the classroom is scarred for life and is my Child now "that girl" whose parents walk around naked and probably have crazy sex parties on weekends. Somehow I now probably have a moustache and wear a satin robe with nothing underneath in their minds. Gross out can be heard from every kids private messages to each other (because of course they already figured out how to do this in Google Classroom).
"Did you see Ava's dad?"
"OMG. Did he have pants on?"
"Like seriously. Was he even wearing pants?"
"Ava's Dad has 3 nipples and I am pretty sure does not have a belly button"
"OMG. Did you see his hair. He is a total alien"
By the end of the day, my Child will be named Class Rediculer with little Tammy leading the pack. "Ewwwww your Daddy walks around your house naked. So does your Mom. Ewwww you probably do too. Your sooo disgusting", Tammy says representing her mean girl crew.
Great job Dad.
I then went into the kitchen to make some breakfast and some delicious coffee. I start to grind the beans as the entire house erupts in loud grinding noises followed by yells. "Daaaaaaaad!! We are in class!".
Shit.. again. I have to get used this new lifestyle.
177 more days
Godspeed
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