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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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I forgot how to drive

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I think forgot how to drive. There were months when all I did was drive to birthday drive-bys or drive around to remember what life was pre-quarantine. But that was when the roads were empty. Now they are not. And i don't remember how to drive. 


I caught myself doing 80 in a 50 the other day on the highway. The sad thing was I was actually going slow as cars were passing me looking at me like I have 3 heads. I swear I thought my speedometer was broken. It wasn’t. 

I got caught in one of those annoying circles where nobody knows who goes when. The cars behind me were beeping as cars continued to come around the circle preventing me from pulling out. I dont remember the rules. I just pulled out and said F it as screams and beeps were heard behind me as some masked man gives me the finger as he drives by me going too fast. 

I had to slam my brakes coming on to a highway. I totally forgot how to yield. Am I supposed to yield or them? WTF am I doing. 

I also cant drive straight. I am all over the road. Luckily I am sober when I drive or I would be locked up for sure. 

I swear I pulled into a Home Depot parking lot doing 40 the other day. Yet, no mask wearing shoppers seem to give a shit as I almost hit 3 of them. They just went about their way in their masked world looking for some home project to do to kill time and get away from their families. Maybe they wanted me to hit them.

I went through a few 4 way stop signs forgetting that I actually have to stop. Cars behind me did the same.  All I thought was ‘hmmm what beer can I have later’

I almost caused a potential 30 car pileup on the highway because I forgot how to get my iPhone to work with CarPlay in the car. Oops. Life is becoming really hard. 

It started to rain. I put my wipers on. I couldn’t see a thing. I pulled over as cars flew by me. Am i supposed to pull over? Why cant I see and why am I nervous to drive in the rain? Do I have COVID?? 

I took too long to accelerate after a traffic light turned green. Pre-Covid this can get you killed in NJ. Yet, somehow I only got a beep and only about 5 seconds after the light turned green. Purely bizarro world. 

I also realized that I have not had my insurance card or registration renewals in my car with me as I am breaking every law unintentionally. Do I need to have those in my car as I drive? WTF are the rules again. 

I no longer know how to drive slow, how to steer appropriately, how to take turns without going too fast or braking too hard. I am officially a bad driver!

The scary thing is I am not alone. The entire civilization seems to be doing the same. Everyone is driving reckless. At first I thought it was to get to a Birthday Drive-By party in time. But now I think people just got shit to go. But where? Where is everyone going? And why??

Da fuq is going on..

Godspeed

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