Field Day 2020 (yup that happened)

Today was Field Day. It did not take place at school. Or in the playground. Or with other Kids. No. Instead it took place in our backyard. With just my 2 Children. And no Teachers and nobody else watching. It was as if the Kids just played outside while the Parents watched.  Field Day 2020. Or everyday life. 

What is Field Day? For those unfamiliar with hip school terms or were deprived of fun scholastic activities as a kid and were forced to stay home on this day with a “fever”, Field Day is a fun day of activities and contests for the Children to participate in.  Sometimes kids get prizes, or used to. I believe in 2020 all kids get prizes cause thats how we do things now. This year’s prize is no COVID-19. Yeahhh school system. 

Today’s festivities consisted of 4 events and an additional one for a tiebreaker.  There were some true nail biting moments. The entire Field Day lasted about 14 minutes and ended with Wendy’s and crying.  A typical Friday. A dream come true. 

The first event was Penguin Walking where one had to walk with a ball between their legs and flip over a cone. God that sounds terrible typing that. If you drop the ball you had to do jumping jacks. Both kids cheated and held the ball with their hands. The Younger Child killed it. The Older Child’s ego was bruised.  Ellie 1

The second event was to carry a nectarine (or whatever you call that tiny orange. Clementine?) on a spoon holding it with 1 hand.  We were supposed to use eggs but did not want to waste them as we are still in Pandemic mode. They both finished with the Older Child winning and then getting yelled at for trying to eat her orange immediately after. Ava 1

The third event was to see how long you can keep a beach ball up in the air for. We were supposed to use a balloon but only clowns and heroin dealers have balloons conveniently in their household. The Younger Child went first and was only able to keep the ball up for a count of 10. I actually looked around to make sure no neighbors saw this. 10???  Then the Older Child went. She got 7.  Its then I realized that I need to get this “Father” act thing straightened up because my Kids clearly are not very athletic. Ellie 2

The final event was something called plastic cup bowling in which one had to push over cups using the air being generated by fanning a paper plate in front of the cup. Both kids were terrible at this. Another “Father” wake up call. The Older Child was able to complete this task by knocking all 10 cups over but it was a horrible display. The Younger Child was only able to knock like 4 over — and 2 of them were because she hit them. Sigh. The Older Child won which resulted in a tie. 

The tiebreaker was to play airplane cornhole. This forced another embarrassing “Father” moment as I realized my Kids dont know how to make paper airplanes. Sigh. So of course I had to make 3 paper airplanes while they were getting yelled at by my Wife for whatever it is that Moms yell at their Kids every 5 minutes for. The game was to fly your paper airplane into a basket about 6 feet away. Apparently even fun Field Day games even social distance.  The Older Child got one in on the first try and I thought Holy Shit. We got a future hall of fame paper airplane thrower person thing. She never got another one in as they soared all around the yard and nowhere near the target. The Younger Child came closer to hitting my Wife than the target. Perhaps this was her intent. The Older Child won. 

All this was recorded, including my crushed ego and hurt soul as my Children displayed their lack of athleticism for all to see, and then submitted to the school where we watched other kids and their families do the same. Maybe the Teachers can send some videos on how to teach to reciprocate. 

We rewarded our Children with Wendy’s in which another achievement was made today (the first is having Field Day at home). My Younger Child had her first cheeseburger. This Kid eats nothing but French Fries and Chicken Nuggets. Won’t even eat fried chicken even though we explain to her its the same thing as chicken nuggets and chicken fingers. Nothing. But Today she had a cheeseburger and officially became an American.... and no longer a vegetarian. Oops. Dad 1.

Thanks Wendy! 

Godspeed