New Stuff

What a superbowl party is really like

This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...

My Kid and the Internet of Things

Something that has come out of Quarantining Hard AF is that my Children are becoming experts with technology. 

This is good and bad. 

Since the first week of Quarantine, the Kids have been using their mini iPads for their homeschooling activities. We bought them each mini iPads 2 years ago as a way to keep them occupied during the flight to Disney and not be little nuisances cry baby / chatter boxes. It worked.  Thank you Apple for making our dreams come true. It was magical. 

Ahhh.. remember when we are able to take family trips and sit on planes and yell at our kids in public...

Fast forward to start of May 2020, deep thick in Homeschooling and us Parents trying to learn the ways of the Force to bring balance to our household. Teachers are you not, scream at kids you must. 

Our older Child is suddenly an iPad Jedi Master.  She has been using the Force to learn the ways of technology. It started with a simple text message.

"Hi Daddy" followed by a bunch of strange emojis.

This quickly escalated to her figuring out that she can group text. 

"Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy. I love you both!!" followed by 37 heart emojis, 15 unicorns and 15 other emojis I never knew existed.  

Awww, was my first thought. Until it didnt stop. 

She quickly moved on to group chats about nonsense.  And sending me passive agressive texts when the printer is jammed and needs to be fixed.

"The Printer is jammed Daddy. Thanks for fixing it!"  

What the F*&k! πŸ˜ΌπŸ˜ΌπŸ˜²πŸ˜¨πŸ˜žπŸ˜žπŸ˜”

Then she moved to attempting FaceTime sessions with her friends without us knowing. Sending text messages to family members. Trying to email Grandma. The list goes on. 

Then around her Birthday, she figured out Amazon. Christ on a Pony, I thought. What next??πŸ˜™πŸ™‡πŸ™‡

Soon she was text messaging me and my wife with links to shit she wants for her Birthday. Unicorns and slime and legos from Amazon all start showing on my phone. 

"STOPPPP" I write. I get a reply with 47 sad emoji faces, 30 bears, 19 hearts and 15 other emojis I have never ever seen before. 

Is this real life? πŸ˜–πŸ˜–πŸ˜–

The next weeks it moved on to her figuring out that she can mirror her iPad to our AppleTv. At first it was great because she needed to read a story and it was super convenient. Until, it turned into her sitting on the couch mirroring all her school work. This quickly shifted to YouTube videos that she found on her iPad of kids playing with other toys and some strange ass families living the vlog dream making millions. Next thing you know we have the Tic Tac Toy family on our TV streaming for hours on end. 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

The other day during Reading Class she decided to make cute templates that she can print and hang around the house. Great. But this was not part of Reading Class and we were in the middle of school. And Daddy pays a monthly HP bill for ink. I yell this but then all I get is soreness in my throat. πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™‰

She did not know I was watching, but Dad's are always watching. I saw her go on google and look for a blank template. She found an image that she wanted, took a screenshot, opened photos and cropped the pic to remove all the internet crap around it, and then added words and word bubbles to it. She then prints 30 copies of it and smiles as she brings it upstairs asking for tape. We had none so of course she cried. I yelled to make myself feel better. It didnt work. πŸ˜πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ™‹πŸ™‹

One of the pictures that she made was something to ridicule her dad aka Principle aka that-guy-that-is-outnumbered-by-woman-in-our-home-with-the-terrible-beard-but-thinks-it-makes-him-more-manly. πŸ‘·πŸ‘·πŸ‘·πŸ‘¦πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ‘€

She was giggling when she came upstairs with a printout hiding behind her back. The younger Child saw it and giggled. Then the Wife. Then my Mom. Everyone was just giggling and laughing while that guy in the house aka me was not able to see it. πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΊπŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ‘»

About 20 minutes later, the Bathroom upstairs was calling my name.  "Danny, its time" it said to me. I answered "Yes Master. I am on my way".  When I arrived at the Bathroom door, this was waiting for me...


I think I am more impressed she found tape!  πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆπŸ’«πŸ’«πŸ’«πŸ’¬πŸ’¬ At least I have an office for an hour πŸ‘¦πŸ‘¦πŸ‘΄πŸ‘΄πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘Ž

And as I type this my Mom who is staying with us (whole other blog) just got an iPad delivered by a masked murderer aka Amazon Prime dude. So now we will have 2 16yr old girls on their devices texting and chatting and shopping and streaming shit to our TV together!  yeaaaazzzzz  The good thing is I can have my Daughter teach my Mom the ways of the Force. πŸ˜™πŸ˜œπŸ˜΅πŸ˜΅πŸ˜¬☺☝☝❤πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘‚πŸ‘ƒπŸ‘€πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Is there an app to disappear yet?  I should ask my Daughter. I am sure she can find it quicker. 

Godspeed.

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