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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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Quarantine Day 30: Beard Shampoo, Toilet Paper and the Sun..Oh My

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Back to school today. The Kids were ready to go. Mrs Bart went over the curriculum as Principle Bart hid upstairs in his office “working”. Screams and cries started at exactly 9:30. This is now the routine as we start our 5th week in quarantine.  

 5 weeks! 30 days! Cray cray. I think Kim Kardashians first marriage didnt even last 5 weeks. When this is all done, all Parents should be able to drop off their Kids to their Teachers.  We can switch roles.  Let the Teachers babysit for 5 weeks and play Parent while the real Parents check in every now and then on Zoom or Google Hangouts for 30 min a day to go over daily activities. The Parents can send progress reports and report cards while basking on an island that is Corona free — oh, Corona virus free as well. 

 2 things amazing happened today.
  1. We got a shipment of toilet paper. I’m not sure how it happened. Some man in a mask and gloves dropped off toilet paper, orange juice, bread, 2 dozen eggs, hot sauce and my rebuilt ego. I praised him as our new masked God that we will now worship singing “TOILET PAPPERRRRR” as he got in his car quickly, looking back at this shaggy bearded man singing toilet paper songs to him.  It got weird.  I love that man. 
  2. Yesterday was officially my 1 month beardiversary!  And in perfect timing came one possession that every bearded man needs (at least that’ what the internet tells me): Beard Shampoo!   I could not be happpier as my beard journey continues until at least the end of the month or when Gov Murphy tells us life can restart again in NJ. 
This is Mona Lisa worthy

Like a beard halo on top of pillows of heaven

My Wife when she saw the beard shampoo:  “Oh your really keeping the beard then, huh?” I can see the sweat starting to form from her brow. I can hear her mind speak away in the distance. Its mumble but i can make out something about Santiago and how she has almost enough saved. Something like that. I was not listening. I was too busy looking at my beard shampoo box. 

Today the sun came out of quarantine for a little bit. He broke the rules. Trump is going to officially state that he now owns the Sun and only he can tell the Sun when to come out. I’m sure my Mom already believes this and now 5 other “moms” on Facebook believe her and shared and liked her post, spreading fake news around the world, just like the Coronavirus. 

I am starting to think the Sun is in on this. He’s like a Coronavirus ninja. Because whenever it comes out, so do People. Its like they are drawn to the magical Sun’s powers.  Come out People. Don’t listen to Officials. Don’t listen to Trump. He doesn’t own us. Come out and play. Come. Outuuuuttttttt.  And slowly our entire street is filled with people. The difference today, and its quite funny, is they are all wearing masks. I am staring out the window at my work desk in awe as 10 or so people all play around my house wearing masks. Nobody is standing apart. They are all together. Congregating. Children laughing and playing.  All wearing masks. The same people who yesterday and the weeks before did the same, without masks. 

 Then one by one they take it off to talk to each other. They touch the outside of the masks with their hands. Pull it down. Touch their mouths in the process.  Then put it back on as if nothing happened and continue to play and talk with their bare hands. Please Sun. Please tell these people to go in their houses. They should not be outside thinking they are safe with masks. Please make them go inside. I hate you Sun. 

And as I finish this post, my kids are practicing doing their 54th dance for us since Quarantine. The song is 5th Harmony’s We Can Work From Home. How fitting. If only the kids understood what Work from Home really means in this particular context.  Sigh. “Be down in a minute”, I yell  wishing the Sun would pull me out of the house with its magical powers. 

This song should be played when entering the Teachers Lounge.

Godspeed


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