Quarantine Day 24: My Dog Theory

Have we all formed new habits?

They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I would like to know who exactly “They” is. “They” keep saying that this social distancing will be over soon. “They” keep telling us to stay 6 feet apart when nobody listened. “They” continue to tell us parents to continue to homeschool our kids as if we are all trained teachers.  “They” are assholes. 

Its now Day 24 of Quarantine. I capitalize the Q in quarantine because it is now a formal place known as Home. It will be over soon. “They” said so. I am thinking at this point, my Children have already developed a habit as its past 21 days and “They” say this is the time it takes to form a habit. Hmm...

If Ava and Ellie start school at 9:30am and end by 1pm, what will happen when they go back to real school in 2024? I can only assume those first 3 weeks are going to be hell for the Teachers as my Kids have already adapted to being screamed and yelled at all day long. What will happen when people are actually nice to them?  Will this screw up their psyche? Will they grow up to be Assholes? What would “They” say about this? 

I have adapted a new routine in my 24 days of quarantine, a habit if you will, and started to go for morning walks while the house is asleep. My only little Danny time. I listen to podcasts and look around at the eery empty streets that used to be known as Life. Here is where I reflect and think about wtf is actually going on around us. My brain begins to ponder as I see a man walking his dog. Then another. And another. 

Its then I come up with my dog theory...

For centuries, dogs have been domesticated living amongst Humans being part of the family. Dogs have always had a lot of attention. That is until about 50 years ago when the working way of life changed and Women began to have a bigger role in the workforce. This caused dogs to be left home alone quietly and patiently waiting for their Mommy and Daddy, eating a few pillows and pissing on the rugs in return. 

About 20 yrs ago, the Dog Council got together and discussed a way to bring their owners closer together. The only way to do this was to stop work production all together forcing parents to work “at home” or not at all. 

The work from home technology just was not there yet. So the Dog Council had to wait another 18yrs  for the perfect time to start Operation ChowChow.

It was Dr Fido Chewski - a small Pomeranian with fluffy white hair and a huge smile - who invented the COVID-19, which he called DogFood because thats what it tasted like.  Dr Chewski had worked with other animals who had tried this in the past like Dr Pigski, who created the Swine Flu and the infamous Dr Cuckoo, who created Bird flu. After many trials on small babies, they finally found the most complete concoction. One that would actually work. 

They waited for the perfect time to release. It wasn’t until recently when apps like Zoom and shows like The Tiger King would be available to keep people busy at home.  The Dog Council released the virus in a Chinese marketplace on Nov 23, 2019, a day now known to dogs as “Bone Day”. 

What happened after is already known. People began to get sick and a pandemic was born forcing everyone and their Mothers (literally) to stay at home and not leave their homes. The Dog Council barked until the sun came up when the news was announced that Countries would start enforcing Humans to be quarantined. This would bring society back to the “golden age” when Humans and Dogs worked together, side by side, all day, everyday. The Dogs had won. 

Dogs are now getting walked 35 times a day. Getting petted all day long. Having their backs and bellies itched. They get to hear their Parents scream at their Children.  They get to knock down glasses off the table on purpose and then bark laugh when the Children are blamed.  They get to poop freely wherever they want as the Humans are looking for any excuse to leave the home and walk anywhere they can. Habits have already been formed.  The time for Dogs is now. The Dog Boom Boom Generation has begun.

Meanwhile my Mom probably believes this theory and has already starting sharing this fake news to all her friends. Some habits cant be broken.   

And sadly, out of habit,  I am slowly adjusting to this new World and its really scaring the shit out of me!!!!  

Can I ask “They”, When will it be over? 

Godspeed.