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What a superbowl party is really like

This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...

Quarantine Day 22: Fake News

Day 22 of The Nothing

Today is the 875th day of homeschooling; at least it feels like it. Today in School, Mrs Bart took the realm as Mr Bart had lots of real work to do. Mrs Bart also had real work to do as well as she cooked, cleaned, tidied the house, made the bed, did the laundry and homeschooled our kids. God, I suck at life. No wonder why she suddenly wants to start watching “How to Get Away With Murder”. Help me, I try to spell out in my beard.

One of the most exciting things I did today was fixed my 2 bike tires by replacing the inner tube. I feel like I can re-shingle my room now with this major accomplishment of being a Man and doing shit Men do. I even got the beard to prove it. Sorta. Now I can ride bikes with the kids and continue my daily yelling but now on 2 sets of wheels while getting more exercise because all i have been doing is working out caveman style in my driveway, preparing for the Zombie apocalypse.

Oh and then this happened..

At 3:05PM, my Mother, who has been staying with us (that’s a whole other blog) shows me her phone and says “This is crazy right. Do you believe this?!”. Her face clearly surprised and pissed. 

I read her phone and stare blankly at the screen and then her. 

Its a news headline from Facebook — the #1 news source in America — that states: “Chinese scientist that created Coronavirus dies from the disease after selling it to the US”

In that moment, the birds outside stopped chirping. The children stopped “learning”. The Wife stopped yelling. The 400 people that are not supposed to be walking outside but are, stopped walking. Life took a 3 second pause to stare at Mom to wait for the “Funny, right?” Or “I am just joking” or “Stupid people who post this shit”.  But it never came.  I quickly put my hand to my head and said “No Mom this is not true. LesMadison.com is not a valid news source. Please get off Facebook and never talk about real life again.”



I then think of what other people like my Mom have been reading and actually believing. Headlines like:

  • Is Corona beer the cause of CoronaVirus?
  • If I eat Chinese food can I get CoronaVirus?
  • Christmas is cancelled
  • Joe Exotic and his feline friends are responsible for bringing COV to the states
  • Trump created the CoronaVirus to give to the Democratic Presidential nominees but failed when Biden’s son found out about it and tried to sell the antidote to the Ukrainian President who went and sold it to China
  • Caution: Your computer can give you their viruses, including CoronaVirus 
  • The guy from the movie Mask would never get infected by the disease because he wore a real life mask
  • Jim Carreys Mask sells for 2 million dollars after Scientists prove its material can stop transmission 99.999% of the time
  • Tito, the one who invented Titos vodka, created the cure but can only get it when you buy more Tito’s Vodka
  • Water contains 7% CoronaVirus after a study done by Pence
  • The Happening movie is based on real life events from the Coronavirus pandemic of 1987
  • If you drink every single night for the rest of your life, you will never get CoronaVirus but instead Cirrhosis
  • Nostradamus predicted COV by stating “In some century between 1000 and 3000, a man with bad hair who starred in mediocre reality shows, will yell at Drs who have the answers and possible cures to a disease that is slowly taken over the World stating HE IS THE CURE
  • COVID-19 really stands for Chinese Order of Virus In December 19
  • Bill Clinton once slept with Coronavirus in the 80s
  • Eminem is a horrid rapper (oh snap)
Yet somehow one of these is probably true. #FakeNews

Godspeed 

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