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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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The Apocalypse: Week 2 Homeschooling Summary

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Today is Today. The realization has set in that this new way of life will be forever. The Kids will never ever leave the home. We will be homeschooling for the next 12 years and then another 18yrs when the kids have virtual kids from their virtual spouses.

 Since the Bart Classroom will be forever, I needed to make it real. So i went ahead and created “classrooms” for each subject; each with its own desk.  They are spread out around the house.  We even have a star chart for when the kids misbehave in class. And when they do, they are assigned to sit outside the Principles Office, living room corner, for x amount of time. The Teachers Lobby is naturally our bedroom and its off limits. This is where the Teachers go to engage in social activity.  The Gymnasium is outside in our driveway.  Recess and playtime is downstairs in the Bart Cave aka basement. And the cafeteria is our kitchen table. Our lunch lady Rosita is super nice and feeds all of us daily at noon.  Yes. I have lost my mind.





We now have the kids doing chores for their teachers.  For example we wake up to fresh Nespresso in the morning. Or leftover French press coffee that was sitting in the Carafe from the night before. Its a tossup of what your getting. At least they are trying! They even make us skittle sandwiches! 5 stars.


While I type this the kids are playing virtual hide and seek and the younger one is crying because she cant find her sister who also has her iPad playing along, the Dirty Dancing guy ran/walked/crawled/galloped by our house blasting Time of My Life, and the Mailman still continues to deliver regardless of rain, sleet, snow or Coronavirus as we still spray Lysol at him as he comes near.

 My beard is now 2 weeks in and looks like someone cut hair on their head and glued it to my face. My wife is looking at me in disgust and its only a matter of time until she leaves me for a virtual man named Santiago that recites Spanish lessons on an app that my daughter uses. 


I have seriously started to look into new hobbies because its Groundhog Day and Time no longer matters. Widdling wood, breadmaking, making meth, recreating a real life Iron Man suit, learning to farm, how to be a school Principle, befriending squirrels, trying to get the guy at the Gas Station down the street to finally smile, window making, trying to find a way to eat paper as we now have 15 reams of it after I accidentally ordered too much, creating a time machine with the walkie talkie set my kids have via Channel 21 and finding out if we ever leave the home,  breaking the Rubix Cube record, conquering Mount Everest — virtually, are just some of the things I have considered learning over the next 50 years of my Homebound life. 

 Godspeed

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