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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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The Apocalypse: Saturday has extended hours

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I have noticed a strange mystery about what used to be known as Saturday. Today the Teachers were off and slept in until about 8:30am.  It was glorious; until our children jumped in our beds reminding us that we are stuck in a bunker like Desmond from Lost. Instead of typing in 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 every 108 minutes, we must keep the Children occupied every 8 minutes as we are locked inside with nowhere to go. 

And so we started the day by the doing the following in this exact order:


  • Made Jello as the kids were promised this yesterday and must have had Jello dreams last night as they jumped in our beds shouting JELLOOOO!??
  • Then made breakfast and coffee
  • Watched the news until the kids came in and bothered me asking me what N95 masks are
  • Watched Austin and Ally which I didnt mind because I love tween shows even though my kids are only 7 and 6
  • Baked cookies
  • Played Mad Libs with unicorn, poopies, butts and nipples
  • Built a fort which consisted of tunnels and bunkers in case there is a dreadful virus coming our way
  • Played more Mad Libs with zombies, rainbows and butterflies
  • Baked more cookies
  • Ava pretended she was a dog and played “Puppy”. Ellie had to pick up Michael Jordan’s (my wish list dog name) shit as Daddy walked her
  • Played with the Walkie Talkies whispering ‘Help Me’ to Channel 21
  • Took a ride to see how far the distance the Walkie Talkies can talk to one another. Really an excuse to the leave the house for a few minutes.
  • Typed SOS in Morse code multiple times on the Talkies
  • Played more “Puppy” until Ava took it too far and started eating our shoes
  • Ate Rosies famous “Daddy chip cookies” 
  • Watched more Austin and Ally
  • Ate Chipotle that we had delivered that I sprayed with Lysol for more flavor and some spice
  • Prayed to a God for this reset of civilization to end
  • Ate more cookies
  • Took a family break and watched The Great Muppet Caper in which I fell asleep and dreamed of a world where people can leave their houses
  • Wondered why my belly hurts and thought I have a mutated version of COV which effects the digestive system. Then I remembered I ate Chipotle and a bunch of cookies. As I type this I’m still not so self assured. 
  • Drew some pictures of happy people and happy things and happy thoughts fake smiling
  • Did Yoga with the wife — no, we really did Yoga
  • After in my meditated state, thought long and hard how I can convert the 15 reams of printer paper I accidentally bought into toilet paper
  • Kids made us iced nespressos and then fought on who gets to make it for each Daddy
And now the kids are having a virtual play date on their iPads playing Guess the Number. Don’t ask.

Now back to the strange mystery that I have noticed today..

I have realized that the days when the kids dont have school, aka Saturday and Sunday, have somehow been mysteriously extended from 24hrs per day to 96hrs per day. Why?  Because we did all those activities above all before 3PM!  How is that possible?!

Saturday NEVER ENDS. It just keeps going. The Kids are everywhere and it doesn’t stop.  What happened to “OMG the weekend went so fast!”  Now its “OMG the weekend NEVER ENDS!”

Now we are back to playing “Puppy”.  Can’t wait for School to start on Monday. 

Godspeed

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