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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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The Apocalypse: The Metric System and Dirty Dancing

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Today is “Today”, the new name for each day of the week as they are all the same. Today in the Bart Classroom we learned all about the Metric System! 

 Actually, we didn’t learn anything about it. No. Instead our assignment was to answer questions that the teachers Mr and Mrs Bart couldn’t explain without checking Google. 

 Is a 40 inch TV greater than or less than a meter?

 My daughter answered yes.  I agreed. Then looked it up. Sigh. Apparently 39.701 inches = 1 meter. Tricky MoFos.  Who the hell is buying a 40 inch TV anyway!!  I would only buy a TV that is at least 1.5 meters long. 

 We then had to measure in centimeters. But of course the ruler that we got for free from the local Police Department does not have cm measurements, as it shouldn’t because this is the US and we dont use the Metric System (even though i 1000% agree we should but who am i but a lousy teacher who does not know that there are 39.701 inches in a meter). So we had to print one we found online. It was then I realized that we dont need to leave the house for anything anymore. Then I thought if i buy a 3D printer, can i print food, or better yet toilet paper??  

 After Art class, which resulted in a picture of a fish that looked like it was swimming in a happy Bob Ross color fish bowl surrounded with Grateful Dead and Lucy in the Sky with Diamond shapes and sizes, we went outside for Gym class which involves Daddy to do hardcore military drills with weighted backpacks in the driveway. 

 During Gym, i noticed something. A lot of older people who have probably not exercised since the Swine Flu are now out and about and attempting to run. If you have seen an elderly run it really looks painful. I want to scream PLEASE STAY HOME. YOU CAN DIE AND NOT FROM COV.  EXERCISING NOW WILL NOT HELP YOU. ITS TOO LATE!!!. But I dont.  Instead I just stare as they do this walk/jog thing. It actually pushes me to workout harder.


Then it happens.  In the distance I hear what sounds like the Dirty Dancing song. You know the one where Patrick lifts up Jennifer over his head that every male has wished they can do since ‘88.


Now I’vvveee haadd the time of my lifffeeee gets louder and louder until I see the culprit: this old man limping and/or jogging by my home. My older daughter starts “Daddy, what is th..”. “AVA! Shhhh” I cut her off. She is clearly like her father. The music fades away as he gallops/limps/jogs/walks away in the distance (about 100 meters to be exact)

 5 minutes later I hear Now I’vvveee haadd the time of my lifffeeee approaching me. He’s about 80 meters away. Then 60. Then 20 meters away again I feel like shaking my hips and doing the Dirty Dancing dance. He sashays or whatever you call his jogging by our home. 

 Another few minutes go by and again Now I’vvveee haadd the time of my lifffeeee... It took me longer that i would have liked to admit to realize that this elderly man is listening to this song on repeat. Perhaps in the 80s this was his jam. He was a ripped man in his 30s. Fireman-carrying chicks over his shoulders every night after the clubs. Probably knew all the words to Lionel Ritchie songs and idolized Phil Collins. Now, 30 yrs later, he’s running away from COV.  3 Hail Marys, 1 Apostle Creed, 4 Our Fathers. 

 If Santiago runs 5000 meters and it takes him 16 minutes to run 16,660 inches, how many seconds of the 80 min double disc Dirty Dancing Sountrack can he listen to?

 I should ask this question to my kids teachers! 

 Day 7 of homeschooling...  GodSpeed

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