The Apocalypse: Homeschooling first week summary

The first official homeschool week is complete. I have learned that yelling should not be a part of playing teacher and yet somehow its the only way to get by. That and wine (after the kids go to bed of course).  I can already tell you that if this shit continues there is going to be an entire generation of idiots making major decisions on how this country shall strive (Some circles would say this is already happening with todays government)  I am thinking Mike Judge’s movie Idiocracy may be a premonition of what’s to come. 

I can sum up the week in 1 sentence:  This is going to be dreadful

However today was actually a better day. We only yelled at our kids about 357 times — 5 times less than yesterday. So in COV talk, we may have already flattened the curve. 

Today we had Spanish class. That was a hoot.  So all day long we spoke in Spanish accents and tried to have fun. That is until the Spanish lesson actually started and again we realized we have no idea how to teach our children things like Spanish but only terrible stereotypes about people with accents (ugh, I’ve already done this); especially since obviously my wife and I dont speak Spanish. 

Needless to say, it did not go well. The Child was forced to sit in the living room as “La Camiseta” and “Morado” spoke from an unnamed person - we will call him Santiago (there i go again) - through her iPad into our working area now known as the Bart Workshop.  Signs of grunts and groans can be heard as Santiago tried to calm the Child with words like “alto” and “perra”. Aye Caramba, my brain thought as I tried to continue to work in the Bart Workshop and fake smile to my wife mind speaking “help me” but in Spanish: ayuadame. Rose looked at me as if to say “Que? No comprendo” 

Another thing that happened today is that the older child needed a ruler, or “regla”. And I quickly realized that we dont have any of this shit in our home. Who has a ruler anyways. Its 2020, we have iPhones — and maybe COV? Next she is going to ask for a globe or better yet a compass, or  ”Brújula” — oh wait the Kindergartner asked for that yesterday. {face palm to head}

Somehow the Children were not as hungry as they were yesterday and as the day before. We are either:
A) feeding them too much and they have food reserves setup in their bodies like camels
B) feeding them less to make their bodies adjust to the potential food shortage that social media is scaring the world with
C) or simply have Coronavirus and just aren’t hungry

Now as I type this I wonder will Blue Apron deliver our meals for us on Monday?  Will Shoprite have our order ready for pickup next Thursday?  We only have 3 bananas left, what will i do until Thursday? Am i really this spoiled???

As school “ended” we opened the windows to get some fresh Corona air in the house. A giant gust of wind came suddenly through along with COV and other allergens to infect the home. And as the springtime weather approaches, i think:

If Mommy and Daddy keep the window open for 4 hours each day and there are 500 people in the neighborhood not listening to any officials and playing and gathering and laughing and living life to the fullest between the hours of 5pm and 8pm everyday as they walk past our windows as the gusts of winds carry their dirty infected souls into our home, how long will it take the Bart household to get infected?
A) 1 day
B) 25 min
C) 20 days
D) too late

To make matters worse, weather app on my watch informed me the air outside is not suitable to breathe.  WTF DOES THAT MEAN!!!???  And of course this was as we were walking outside away from society and yelling at kids to NOT GET NEAR that person that is walking towards us. Now my throat is hoarse from yelling.. Or it can be sinuses, or allergies, or shit..COV. No lo sé.

And as i type this, my Wife is napping on the couch as the children watch TV. OMG, does she have allergies or.......

¡Todos estamos jodidos!

Godspeed