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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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The Apocalypse: The end of WiFi will be the end of mankind

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Something scary happened this morning. At around 10:30am, as the kids were playing “Puppy” and watching TV, the howls and barks went from light whimpers to “Daaaaaaaaaaddddddyyy” moaning out of their puppy jaws.

“Whatttt”, the sounds of Daddy not having a coffee and tired of life can be heard. 

 “The TVs not wooorrrkkinnnnggg” comes a beautiful harmony from the puppies in the Living Room. 

 “So TURN it ON!” I yell because the kids decided to play “Yes Day” which means the Parents have to say Yes to everything they ask. I gave in because I thought they would ask things like:

  • Can we play on our iPads all day long?
  • Can we make a fort and sleep in it while watching TV all day long?
  • Can we go downstairs and watch Sponge Bob marathons?
Resulting in a full day of Mommy and Daddy time. Boy was I wrong. 
No. Instead for the first 2hrs, we played Puppy again — actually never stopped playing as they barked and howled all morning, played Mad Libs, made stress balls with balloons and flour which got everywhere, ate lots of snacks and shit for breakfast.  Then when they finally asked to watch TV, I said YESSSSS and went in the other room for Danny time. 

2 minutes later, “The TVs not wooooooorrrrrkiiiingg” along with barking. So, naturally I am tired and annoyed with this new lifestyle called Parenting. Did I say Yes to this!?

I walk in the Living Room to see AppleTv telling me there is no internet connection. I panic and check my phone. Internet signal, ok. I check my iPad. Internet signal, ok.  Then I try to go on to a website and it hangs. NOooooooooooooooo. I scream like Tom Hanks in the Burbs - camera panning in and out. 

It only took 5 minutes for my World to end. 5 minutes. In these 5 minutes I saw our entire World falling apart. No internet means no TV. No schoolwork. No iPads. Assignments have to be done on paper. Do we get the assignments via mail? Kids have to play with toys they have in the home.  Do the kids even know how to play anymore? Where can one find these toys? Does one have to play with a toy first and then the other “goes”? How does this work? My mind races for answers. 

Suddenly, like The Matrix and this everyday new world cycle called Living, my router reboots and the Internet is back up and running. The Kids are happy. The Wife’s smile returns and my panic settles. Whewww..close call. 
Its only a matter of time until COV infects “the internets”.  I search for answers. Google? What do if the internet goes out. The response: Your fucked! 

Godspeed

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