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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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Tales from Physical Therapy - The Scream

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There was a scream; a loud yell sorta scream that one does when they are getting stabbed.  This was followed by a few smaller yells and then silence.  I got ready to jump to the ground in attack mode assuming these were the sounds of a loose killer; getting ready to throw an elderly over my good shoulder and start saving lives!  

No.  These were the sounds I heard walking into my first physical therapy session for my injured shoulder. What was I walking into?



I looked at my therapist -- she at me-- "is this normal" I asked, hoping she would say no.  

She replies "Oh that?  Oh that's nothing" with enough sarcasm to put up a fight with the question mark. The question mark got its crooked ass kicked.  

I replied "Oh".  She just laughed.  Still wondering what that meant.



That's how it went down.  My first therapy session on October 17 -- 8 weeks since my surgery -- started with a scream.  Now 9 sessions later, I hate to admit this, but today I was that elderly woman screaming in pain as my torturer slowly pulled my arm back, like my arm was a rubber band, trying to make it snap, as she was "reassessing" me to check my progress.  Well, I can say I progressed all right -- progressed in pain.  I screamed like my 4yr old this morning because she did not get to wear blue underwear today (it was all in the wash).  The only difference is I am wearing blue underwear today and am 38.  Now I totally get the sarcasm in response to the screaming I heard on the first day. 


"Ah Ah Ahhhhhhh" - said a red faced, side parted tool, as my torturer slowly took her time to measure my range of motion.  This went on for at least 10 minutes.  The reward -- if there is such a thing -- was the news that I am progressing very well and am on track.  Now on track for what I am not so sure. It was then I realized that PT really does stand for Pain and Torture.  Don't let anyone tell you differently as I so did not want to believe it either. 


The irony of it all is that I got this injury from doing Brazilian Ju-Jitsu.  This requires you to tap out if you are about to have a ligament broken due to your opponent trying, with all his might, to break anything he can hold on to.  And here I am, trying to tap out as my opponent/therapist, aka Jack the Ripper, is trying to pull my arm out of my socket to "help me".  Apparently tap outs don't work in real life.  But screaming does!  I sooo wanted to yell FREEEEEEEDDOOMMMMM like William Wallace as my ego is being ripped out of my puny, lifeless, no-muscle arm.  But I didn't as I am not tough like Mr Wallace.  I am Danny with pussy shoulders.  Booo



"What is your pain today? 0-10?", is what I am asked at the start and end of each session.  0 is what I say because I have no idea how the 0-10 scale of pain works.  Its sooo irrelevant.  I drop a weight on my toe and its an Ouch, but I stub my toe because I cant walk normal and trip on a flat floor, and its an OUCH (in all caps).  So how does 0-10 work.  No clue. I just try to stay tough, say 0 every time, and let her hurt me enough so I can scream like I'm a 74 year old cheerleader rooting for Rudy; but hey, I am making progress. 

15 more sessions to go!  Yayyy me!   I got this.

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