Bruce Jenner: Going Bruce

Once upon a time there lived a young boy named William Bruce Jenner.  He liked to run, play sports and wear his mommy's panties.  He would later grow up to be the "world's greatest athlete", the husband to the matriarch of what is known as the Kardashian family, and eventually become a woman.

For people above the age of 50, Bruce Jenner was everything a man wanted to be.  He was handsome, got chicks, was chiseled and was a phenomenal athlete.  Asking someone over the age of 50 who Bruce Jenner was, will ensue into a 5 minute talk about how great of an athlete he was and "god dam he gotta lotta chicks!".

For anyone between the age of 30 and 50, Bruce Jenner is known as the stepfather of Kim Kardashian and then, the wife of Kris Jenner - in that order. This person would have for sure heard the tall tales of how great Bruce was in his early life. But he/she will also know that Bruce is on that show with Kim and her family.  This person will also know that Bruce is weird looking and has had a lot of plastic surgery.

For anyone under 30, Bruce Jenner is either unknown or simply known as Kylie Jenner's dad or the father of Kim Kardashian and "on that show".  He/she will also be schooled by the older folks about how great of an athlete Bruce was, as well as how much plastic surgery he had and how he is married to the mother of Kim Kardashian.

For those living under a rock ( i never understood this saying. I mean do people really live under a rock?  It sounds very uncomfortable ) will soon know, with the rest of the world, that Bruce Jenner is in the process of turning into a woman and will spill out all the details in an interview with Diane Sawyer on Friday April 24 - a date i would like to call "Bruce Jenner Day".

For me, this is crazy.  I know. I know.  Its two thousand fucking fifteen and we should all be used to this type of shit.  But Bruce Jenner is becoming a woman!  A fucking woman!  Bruce Jenner!  A fucking woman!!  What the shit!!!!

Seriously.  He looks like a confused drag queen

I am in the 30 to 50 age group so to me, Bruce is simply Kim's stepdad who's had some weird plastic surgery and after hearing from older folk and googling, i realize he was an incredible athlete.  But now he is turning into a fucking woman!  A fucking woman!!

Now here is where it gets even more strange.  He is 65.  Yes.  So this means he will become a 65 year old woman.  Who the hell wants to be a 65 year old woman!  Like for serious.  Thats old.  I mean, if you really want to be a woman, and you've known this - as he has stated in the interview previews that the network keeps plugging - why would you not do it when you were younger... sayyyyyy 35!?

This is Melanie Griffith.  For those under the age of 25 probably have no idea who the hell she is. But she was HOT and now she is weird and gross looking.  Let the picture do the talking

The person on the left is smoking and the one on the right looks like she did the Kylie Jenner Challenge after "going Bruce" and doing the Bruce Jenner Challenge. 

Seriously Bruce.   You should have given this more thought years ago.  Your just too dam old now. Shit starts to sag and get all weird looking in your 60s.  Does this even need to be explained?

To make matters worse, Bruce's daughter, Kylie, has been making the rounds recently with teenagers starting a new cool hip trend called #KylieJennerChallenge.  The idea is you suck on a shot glass until your lips turn fat and beautiful to mimic Kylie Jenner's lips. 

The result?

What a great new trend!  This is like touching wet paint after seeing the big sign that says "Wet Paint".  Or when your buddy tells you "this tastes like shit.. taste it" and you do.  When these awful pics starting surfacing, did kids really think they can beat the system and not let the shot glass win.  I think not.

Why am I talking about the Kylie Jenner Challenge?   Well, after "Bruce Jenner Day", I am opted to say that we will be saying goodbye to his daughter's awesome attempt at 15 minutes of epic lip proportion fame and hello to the birth of the #BruceJennerChallenge taking place.  Bruce will go from the "world's greatest athlete" to now the "world's greatest transgenderer" (is that a word?) 

It will not be long until we see some other famous people start coming forward and "go Bruce"..

It wont be long until Golden Boy Brad turns into Bradley Ann

Or his pal George turning into Georgianna

We will also see people finally "come out" and show their true colors.

Tom Cruise will finally reveal who he really is

And finally stop hiding with silly wigs and makeup to hide his true identity

Tom takes hours to hide his true identity

Many people who are reading this are probably saying to themselves "Danny should talk.  He's fancy and people have been wondering about his sexuality for years".   

Yes. I am fancy.  But "going Bruce".  Nah.  Im too old... 

So.. do you think he will cut it off!?  







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