New Stuff

What a superbowl party is really like

on
This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
0

35 signs I'm approaching 35

on
As i approach the tender age of 35, I realize that Im certainly not a kid anymore; although i certainly still act like one. 

 Here is a list of signs that I'm reaching my mid 30's  :-(((((


1 - A perfect night for me now is laying in bed with my wife playing candy crush while watching House Hunters instead of a night of binge drinking and/or wild crazy sex.

2 - Instead of drinking $1 drafts all night long, I am perfectly OK - actually ecstatic - to pay $6-$8 for a very tasty craft beer.  I usually have 2 or 3 but on a really good night I will shoot for 4!

3 - Back and knee surgeries are as common for me to hear about as Lindsay Lohan and jail.

4 - My daughter has shit, vomited and peed on me at the same time (the 3 peat) and I am perfectly comfortable with this.

 5 - I used to drink this:

and this


and this
And now I drink this:

and this

and this




5.5 - oh yes.. and i have a bar. A real bar with a sink and everything.

6 - My computer and gadget toys are now replaced with Fisher Price and V-Tech toys.

7 - When at a bar, I've said to my wife "the music in this bar is so loud" more than once.

8 - I almost tear up when watching the Google commercial where the dad is sending emails to his newborn daughter.

9 - I'm beginning to contemplate, and even asked my wife, if I could start calling young girls sweetie and/or hun.  Yes.. creepy.

10 - I've also contemplated on many occasions of calling the police on neighbors who are being loud after 10PM.

11 - My refrigerator is a placeholder for newborn announcements, save the dates and wedding thank yous

12 - When I stalk someone on Facebook I am now forced to look through hundreds of kid pictures before I can find the person I am trying to stalk. 


13 - I used to LOVE this

Then FANTASIZE about this

And now I FANTASIZE and CRAVE this (not me.. mud runs)


14 - I used to run marathons in the bedroom and now I really run marathons (sort of)

15 - I take Glucosamine on a regular basis



16 - I couldnt be more happier when the dance that Im amazing at when I was 12:


Totally becomes popular again when Im 34:



17 - My life has 0 meaning whatsoever when I am in traffic for more than 6 minutes


18 - I used to know the names of many porn stars and now i know the name of all the pawn stars. 



19 - I actually said the following to a younger colleague:  "When I was your age, we used to have floppy disks and there was no such thing as USB".


20 - I use the word "colleague"


21 - I think pregnant women are hot. 


22 - I have a long board that I ride a lot and feel reaaaallly cool when I ride by kids unbeknownst to the fact that they are totally making fun of me.



23 - My wife and I have had an American Idol contest - with rules and all - and I've blogged about it as well.  Lame-o

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A7gSXmFLZ0eG5YaS3-00griHA1hYlbGlyH6c4GqG9rU/edit


24 - I have not a clue what One Direction sing. 


24.5 - But I know that One Direction came from the British version of the X-Factor.


25 - I own a $1,200 Brooks Brothers suit  (got it on sale for $750)
25.5 - and a $1,200 watch (didnt get it on sale)
25.7 - why.... cause i DESERVE it and worked hard for it


26 - When I was in my 20s I can drink all night long and then sleep like a dead man for 15 hours. Now if I have 3 beers I toss and turn all night with indigestion and bad dreams and still wake up at 7am. 


27 - Babies that were born the year I graduated high school, 1996, are now 17 years old and most likely graduating this year or next. 



28 - Kurt Cobain ended his life 20 years ago next year and that baby, Spencer Eldon,  that was on the cover of the famous Nevermind album is now 23 years old.  I know this because I am 34.




29 - When I was younger we would drive to the shore, enjoy a nice day of sunbathing, swimming and good times, and then drive home that evening.  Today, this includes a hectic morning of getting the girls (my daughter AND my wife) ready by 8, packing the car until there is no more room in it, getting stuck in traffic because we wouldn't get out of the house until 10, me trekking all of our tents, blankets, etc on the beach and looking for an area that doesn't have early 20 something hipsters in a 100 yard area, attempting to relax but instead Im chasing my daughter as she kicks sand all over everyone, and then leaving after an hour because of stress to get stuck in traffic for the ride home. 


30 - I used to have trophies on the shelves in my room from the numerous sports I played.  Now I have these new trophies - including that little one on the end (and I dont mean the Balvenie)



31 - I hum the alphabet song in my head all day long.

32 - I have combover because I think its very stylish.

33 - I've actually considering paying music artists for their work. 

34 - Parties now consist of 14 adults and 32 children. 



35 - After writing this list I can simply say that life is now PERFECT which means I'm definitely getting old. 

Comments

Post a Comment