No No No

There's a certain word that is said in our household more times than Lindsey Lohan goes to rehab and it's not "please" as i desperately ask my wife for some loving. "Please" is actually the second most common word used in our household. The first one is the word NO..which is now the new black.

As my daughter gets older - she is now 14 months - she is very curious about the world. This includes touching and getting into EVERYTHING. We have lots and lots of toys for her to play with but it is the stuff that she is NOT supposed to play with that interests her. This includes: both iPhones, the refrigerator, the stove when its on (and it seems only when its on), climbing up the stairs, the pantry, Rose's recipe cards, my dirty underwear, etc... you get the point. She is becoming cray and so this word NO is something that she has been accustomed to saying.

She says lots of words now like Daddy, Mommy, book, baby, Minny, look, quack (and sometimes cock..but not on purpose) and many others. But her favorite is NO. To be honest, I think she has only said Yes or Ya maybe 3 times in her lifetime.

Her first breakdown happened when she was a week after turning 1. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting uncomfortably on our wooden floor with toys all around us while watching Nick Jr.. like every family should. She was getting sleepy as she began to show signs by rubbing her eyes. She was half crawling/half walking at this point. She made her way over to Rose; not for a hug or kiss but for her iPhone. Like the deathstar, she was being pulled towards the phone..she had no control. As she picked it up, Rose said, "Ava, No" and took the phone away from her....

The lights dimmed. The TV flickered. The noises outside halted. Ava's eyes turned a strange reddish hue. Her mouth began to take a strange shape. Her head started to shake. I could have swore I heard the Exorcist music playing softly from her Fisher Price tuba that never shuts up next to us. Suddenly, Ava screamed NO NO NO. Her voice was like something from out of this world. As she screamed it, the lights went out. We lit the room with our phones. There, in the iPhone lit room, we saw our daughter turning her head around and screaming things backwards. Shit began to fly around the room.. no really...shit. Her body raised above the ground and she began to scream NOOOOOOOOO. Glasses broke. The TV fell off its mount. Shit got bad. We looked at each other in fear. "Give her back the dam phone Rosie!!!", I screamed in desperation. Rose reached out to give her the phone; her arms trembling. Ava's demonic nails grabbed the phone from Rose. Suddenly, the lights came back on. The noises outside continued as if nothing happend. Our daughters face was like the sunshine again. She was completely normal and just like that everything was over. This was her first breakdown. Shit got real.

Since then we have been very careful with her outbreaks. Sometimes, we carry Holy Water with us at all times just in case and spray it at her when we sense something demonic about to happen. Her outbreaks have actually been much better. I dont think we are doing anything right to correct this but we like to think we are.

Lots of "professionals" say that saying No is a No No. Instead, you should try to sway the child into doing something else. Lets give some great examples of how this would work in our household.

"Ava, why don't you hold your baby doll instead of holding that sharp knife" OR

"Ava, I would really LOVE for you to come over to Daddy instead of crawling up the stairs. It would be sooo much better if you did this." OR

"Ava dear, Mommy and Daddy would much love for you to drink your milk instead of that household cleaner that you are attempting to drink" OR

"Ava Rose!! Put down that beer and give Daddy a hug!!!" OR

"Ava Rosie Bart! PLEASE LETS NOT PLAY WITH THE POOP IN YOUR DIAPER.. instead come over here and let Daddy change you!"

All of the above would be a very loud NOOOOOOOOO. Stupid "professionals".

The idea behind the alternative no would be that your child doesn't really understand what no means if you say it over and over again. I get that to a point. But again, there is no reasoning when it comes to your toddler.

This is what happens to people when you use this technique. These people were never told NO in their lifetimes...