New Stuff

What a superbowl party is really like

on
This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
0

12 Days of Christmas Blogging - Day 4: The ReGifter

on
Its that time of year again.  A time to exchange gifts with the ones you love.  It's also a time of year when you take that shitty gift and give it to someone else.  This is called the regift or, as you would be called: a re-gifter.  Its a common practice that has taken place for centuries.  I believe that the original St Nicholas, whom has said to start the gift giving tradition in the 4th century, regifted a bunch of ugly Christmas sweaters that his mother and grandmother had knitted him over the years and gave them to his neighbors all of whom regifted them to other people and the regifting and exchange of presents on Christmas was born!
A depiction of St Nick giving out his old ugly Christmas sweaters.


 I've been giving gifts over the years that i know were regifted.  Simply due to the fact that the card it came with had another name it was from and to.  Boooo.  

 I have a funny story about a regifting episode that took place about 12 years ago.  I will be changing the names and events to save my livelihood with my family..

 Every Christmas we used to to go to my aunts.  And every year we would play this game where you had to bring a wrapped gift that was under 10 dollars.  We would then put the gifts in a pile and everyone would draw a number from a hat.  This number would represent the order in which you were to pick a gift.  When its your turn you have the option to choose from the pile or take someone elses gift from them.  During my years playing this, i have seen some of the WORST gifts in existence.  After the first year it just became a joke and everyone would get the worst presents on purpose (at least i think so even though nobody ever said so.   I just assumed)

So one year I picked up this $3 silver bracelet from Target.  It was god awful. I think it was made to scare off evil spirits.  Anyways, I wrap it up nicely and bring it with me to the party.  Because of my suave wrapping style and beautiful paper i used, it was picked up almost instantaneous by my Aunt .. hmm.. we will say Aunt Lucy to protect the image of others.  So Aunt Lucy opens it and says "oh my this is beautiful".  I forgot to mention that Aunt Lucy is old and still thinks that Don Johnson and Tom Selleck are hot tamales.



Of course nobody takes the gift from Aunt Lucy so she is now stuck with this God awful present. I felt a little bad because Aunt Lucy is sweetheart.  That is until...

 Flashfoward the following year.  Rose (my wife) and I are now a power couple and like most couples you are forced to do whatever your wife does for every holiday until death do you part.  Therefore, we didnt make it to my Aunts that year.  So, I recieve a package from the postal service.   Its a small box with wrapping paper from the 60s that has a moth ball smell to it.  I open it to find to my sweet surprise the God awful bracelet that my Aunt Lucy had recieved a year earlier from me in the Christmas game we play.  And here is where it gets better.  The package did NOT come from my Aunt Lucy.  No no.  It came from my Aunt Maria.  What the shit!?!??

 I tell Rose.  She cracks up.  Could it be chance that Aunt Maria just so happened to get the same bracelet at her local Target a year later to give to me as a present OR Aunt Lucy gave this same gift to Aunt Maria this year and Aunt Maria just rewrapped it and sent it out to us?  Well, after years of snooping and detective work - thanks to 2 informants: my Uncle and my cousin, I found out that it was indeed rewrapped and pawned off as her own.  Nice work Aunt Lucy. Nice work indeed.  

 Should i be mad at Aunt Lucy for regifting my item and sending it to Aunt Maria, whom did not attend the Christmas party.  Or should i be mad at Aunt Maria for sending me a regift, one in which I bought!!!  Or....should i be mad that i received such an UGLY bracelet as a present.  I am a man!  Are they trying to tell me something???  Regardless, I believe my wife regifted it and gave it to one of her cousins for Christmas.  Who knows.  Somebody who is reading this may own an ugly $3 bracelet from Target that has ugly heart crystals on it.  

 Here is a list of some shit that you should always regift:

  1. Booze - If you are into Scotch, like myself, and someone gives you a bottle of cheap Dewars then you DEFINETELY wrap that shit up and send it to someone else!
  2. Video Games - Your 5 yr old nephew does not give a shit what game it is, he wants it.  So just wrap up some old games and make believe they are new.  He won't know the difference!  If he thinks he wants Halo 4, then get him Halo 1.  He can't read. How the hell will he know!?
  3. Ornaments - When the back of your christmas tree - you know the part that nobody can see - starts to get too overcrowded with ornaments that are too ugly to display on the front, then wrap those shits up in nice wrapping paper.  Nobody will know the difference.
  4. My wife - for comical purposes i had to throw this one in here. I'm in trouble now. 
  5. Gift Cards - somehow this became the most popular gift in the last 20 years.  Everyone sends gift cards now.  They suck.  It forces you to go somewhere you dont want to.  I used to send out these cool restaurant ones that i would buy at the mall and you got to pick like out of 100 restaurants to use it at. I think i was regifted by everyone i gave it to.  Anyways, regift these shitty gift cards.  Unless its Apple or a credit card gift card, who the hell wants it!
  6. Picture Frames - We have been given more picture frames over the years than I can count.  And almost 80% of them are horrendous.  Sorry fams but if you get a picture frame from me this year that says New Dad and you are 75, I apologize. 

The moral of this story.. Save your time and money.. REGIFT.. just dont get caught! 


Merry Christmas!

Comments

Post a Comment