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What a superbowl party is really like

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This is what real life Superbowl party hosting is like. Tay Tay banter included..  First you prep for the big event by spending hundreds of dollars on food that only half will be eaten. You know this going in yet still tell yourself that the more food the better. This is for 20 people Just prior to the Kickoff , words of Taylor Swift already begin. Kids continue to ask if Taylor will be performing.  Some of the adults will be yelling because they lost the “will she show up for the Superbowl or not” bet. Kickoff starts and you realize that someone named blah blah has already won the Bonus 0-0 payout in your Superbowl box pool that you dropped a hundred on. You say hmmmm and already start having conspiracy theories as its someone who is related to the person running the pool.  End of the 1 st draws near . Its only been an hour since the company has arrived and already the food that was beautifully prepared...
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PowerBall 500 million jackpot and your chances of winning

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Right now as i type this there is a half billion lottery reading in progress . yes 500 million for those incapable of realizing what half billion dollars is.  So of course i bought a ticket.. 20 to be exact.  Why not?  What's not to lose.  Sure the odds are against you but by how much.  Well, i came up with a little analogy / story to help you realize just how much the odds are against you.
You are more likely to miss a flight and take the next one, only to have a drunk pilot take you off course into a bad storm which gets struck by lightning not once but 42 times causing the plane to split in half and you to fall to your death just as you were reading this blog.  

 As you fall you get struck by lightning, hit a flock of birds and land in the ocean surprisingly surviving only to realize that you have landed in the middle of a very hungry circle of sharks.  As you fight your way for survival, you somehow kill all 17 of them with your bare hands but one.  You befriend the remaining and name him Ted.  

 Ted allows you to get on his back and he rides you 27 miles to a nearby island.  He says goodbye as you realize you are all alone on an island that has nothing but killer bees who are really pissed at their new territory basher.  
You run as you get stung 173 times and jump back into the water.  Ted is long gone but you find a piece of driftwood that you get on and hope that the current takes you away.  It does and you end up traveling to nowhere for 34 days all while eating nothing but the puss from your 173 bee stings.  
Tired and exhausted you suddenly feel yourself lifting up from the driftwood to surprisingly be nestled on a submarine that decided to lift itself out of the water.  You look confused and see a big Russian flag in front of you on the back fin of the sub.  You jump off the driftwood as Russians make their way out of the sub with guns pointing at you.  They speak some shit that you dont understand and follow them inside the sub.  

 9 angry Russians stare at you and look you over wondering what to do with you.  They take you into a room where a man named Igor sits at a table alone sipping vodka not looking at you. He looks you over.  There are some words spoken. Igor gets up and takes out a knife.  He lifts it towards you.  You imagine yourself not missing that flight and where you would be had you not missed it.  Instead of cutting your throat as expected he cuts the ropes that bind your hands together.  COMRADE he says as he brings his head close to his with a HUGE smile.  Lets DRINK!  You have multiple shots of vodka and eat a smorgasbord of lobster tails and steaks and crab legs.  Suddenly the door opens.  In comes 22 strippers, 2 for each man.  The partying continues all night when suddenly you hear a loud explosion.  

 Loud sirens go off and the 9 men including Igor run out of the room and somewhere else.  You stand there confused as a loud boom takes over your ear and knocks you on the floor.  Ringing in your ears pursue.  There is smoke everywhere.  You start to drift into a confused sleep. Cant breathe you hear your mouth saying.  Your eyes close and you sleep.  You awake in a hospital to a beeping noise and some strange men standing in front of you.  They are wearing military uniforms with many colors and badges and medals on them.  They smile at you and say welcome home.  They are speaking English. You look around and see an American flag. You are home.  In walks the President of the USA.  He shakes your hand. Your confused.  He then congratulates you on a wonderful and courageous journey.  He quickly briefs you on how Mission Find That God Dam Sub is over.  It appears you landing on the sub forced the Russians to come afloat and give up their hiding.  It was then the secret US ops nearby were able to pick up a signal and locate the sub.  They spared nobody but yourself.  

The cameramen come in.  You are a hero.  You are now on the cover of magazines, Wheaties boxes, worlds sexiest man/woman covers.    You are a natural hero.  You make endorsement deals and become a mega rich star!  All because you missed a flight!  

 Congratulations.  You have a better chance than this happening than you winning that god dam lottery!!!

 But hey... You never know!!

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