My Rollercoaster of Emotions Pregnancy Experience

On Friday, May 4 @ 2:18PM we welcomed little Ava Rose Bartosiewicz into this world.  The below is a broken up description as to what we went through to get where we are today.  With all so much going on, the blog is broken up over a few days.  The first day is the most emotional as it was less than 24 hours.  Everything after is me realizing that Im still the ass i was the day before she was born. 

Our little Glow Worm!!

Trials and Tribulations of a New Father is the start of a new journey as my daughter goes from age 0 to well however long i am allowed to do this.  It will detail REAL moments in my life..with most of them very very funny and real.  I will say things that people will definetely say "Did he seriously just say that??".  Yes i did.  Welcome to the Danny Bart Chronicles!!






Saturday 7:30AM

WARNING... girly emotions below... i apologize.. this wont happen again.. 




Something happend in the last 24 hours. I went from being this punk ass "kid" in his 30s to being this punk ass dad in his 30s.  It's amazing how so fast your life changes.  I mean i feel the same, sorta, but i know that when i go home in the next few days this new little bundle of joy is my responsibility and thats the hard part to swallow.


Here's the play-by-play of what happend.  Rose had some issues that the Dr was concerned about.  This was about a month ago.  He scared the shit out of us basically thinking that Rose had or was developing Pre-eclampsia.  Our baby was little and he was concerned that she was not getting enough nutrients due to Mommy.  After lots of scares and tests it was sort of confirmed that we just make small babies.  During this time she was scheduled to see her Dr 2 times a week and be checked to make sure that she is not developing Pre-eclampsia.  Ok.. flash forward this week.  Rose goes to the Dr on Monday. He says that the "pockets of fluid" (something we heard over and over again) is getting smaller.  The natural birth that she was supposed to do on May 16 turned into a scheduled C section for May 8, the following week. So she calls me at work and says that we will have a baby next week. Im freaking. Im surprised i didnt blog about it.  After a day or 2 of coming to the realization that i will be a father in such a short time, Rose goes back to the Dr that Thursday.  She calls me at 11:50AM and tells me to sit down.  I do.  She then says that the Dr is concerned about the pockets of fluid and wants to deliver her tomorrow, Friday May 4, at 1:30PM... Rose said some other stuff at this point but all i heard was Charlie Brown's parents MUAHH MAHH MAAHHH.




It's hard to explain the feeling that i am sure many of you felt when you are scheduled to bring a baby into this world.  It's a strange thing. Its like..hmm.. i got nothing going on tomorrow. Let's do it then.  I think it was the scheduled part that was hard for me.  Knowing the date and time that your life will forever change just fucks with your mind. For me, it was in a really weird way.  I remember thinking on Monday when Rose told me that we were scheduled for the following week about what we would do on teh weekend just her and i. It would be our last weekend just the 2 of us.  Something we have done soooo well as a couple for 13 years now comes to a halting crash.  There is another little person that is a part of your life now.  A little being that will forever be on your mind no matter what this person is doing.  This is the part that was fucking with me SO MUCH.  It was this and all those mother fuckers who just kept telling me that my life would be over when i have a kid.  That shit stayed with me.  My relationship with my wife is something i cherish. We are seriously like 2 peas in a pod.  If you watch How I Met Your Mother.. we are the Marshmallow and Lily Pad.  We have such a great connection that I was just afraid that a baby would break this and hearing "my life is over" over and over and over again by every negative person on the planet was just wrenching.  So, our last "date night" was us catching up on our favorite tv shows.  We watched a Survivor. We saw who got voted off American Idol (i dint get to blog yet :-(  We watched a couple of The New Girl and a That Bitch in Apt 23.  Something happened to me when we were done watching our shows.  There was just this nice silence in our house and i just had a moment of .. shit i dont know what it was.  But i thought about this being the last night of just her and I.  13 yrs of memories quickly went through my mind like a photo slideshow on turbo.  I dont know what happened to me but i lost it.  I cried like a little girl. Its probably something i should have done since the day she said "Im Pregnant" because that feeling never left me.  These weren't tears of joy and they weren't tears of "HOLY SHIT WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS" but more so of tears of saying goodbye to an AMAZING LIFE we had PRE-baby.  Yes, i know our life will be even more AMAZING but it will NEVER be how it was before our baby was born.  It will be different as everyone and their mothers told us.  We will never have that Rosie and Danny time again.  Sure, we can certainly get a babysitter and have alone time of just her and i as much as we like BUT our baby will ALWAYS be on our minds. Again, this is not a bad thing and i dont want people to think i dont deserve my #1 Dad mug on Father's Day next month but i think im just stating complete honesty of how i felt.  The best part about it was while i was sobbing like an infant so was Rose and for the exact same reasons. For a couple hours we had one of the most memorable, loving, cherished moments that i have ever had with another person.  A moment that i will NEVER forget.  I gave her my "push" present (no not sex you dirty bastards) and it was a nice way to say goodbye to that old life and hello to our new life.

EDIT - Sunday morning 10:24AM
Rose is taking her first shower.  She is walking around and doing great. Our little Ava is perfect in every way but we are still trying to figure her out.  The feelings i described above on our first night here is still there but now its different.  Reading back what i wrote (which i DID NOT delete) was definitely fresh and real emotion.  I did tear reading it back because it brings such great memories of how i felt when writing.  I had a moment with my daughter yesterday.  It was in the morning. It was actually just after i started writing some of this stuff above.  I was holding my daughter and she had her eyes opened and we were just staring at each other.  It was amazing.  The life PB (pre baby) was PHENOMENAL and I will miss it sooo much but we will do just fine.  All those great things we did together we will now do with our little girl.  Those memories will NOT be forgotten about as others said they will be.  Every time i look at my daughter i will have these PB moments because without those moments this little angel wouldn't be on this earth.




Enough of this emotional shit let's get to the real shit..

The PrePregnancy

The morning of the birth i pumped my wife up with some Mobb Deep's Shook Ones Pt2 (maybe one of the best raps songs ever).  Prior to a soccer game or big race my wife will slap me lightly in my face and punch me saying You got this Dan.. You got this.  So of course i did the same to her.  I slapped the shit out of her and screamed at her. Of course i did no such thing.


We arrived at the hospital around 11:30.  We waited in the "family lobby" scared shitless.  Rose's parents came up to say a quick hi and good luck. There were some nervous tears and off we went into the prep room.  Here we had a ditz named Debbie who may have been the dumbest person ive met in years.  Debbie was a sweetheart and at first seemed to be a godsend.  But then things started going south very quickly.  How, you ask.. well first she never gave Rose a surgery bracelet which caused a delay in the delivery just as she was about to get cut open.  Then, she dropped a vial of blood that was for our stem chord bank. Luckily the vial did not break.  Prior to that, she got blood all over the place as she didn't put a tube in correctly when getting blood from Rose.  This lady was a mess but soooo nice so it sort of made up for it a bit.  There were moments where we noticed other nurses having an issue with this lady as well.  The good thing was that Debbie, even though she didnt realize, was our comic relief.  Rose and I are pros at making fun of situations and she definetely added to it.  She also helped Rose laugh (behind her back) which was great. So THANKS DEBBIE!!!

The Crime Scene

Rose went into the surgery room and they put the husband in the recovery room to wait..ME.  And so there i was waiting in an uncomfortable seat in a very busy recovery room.  It was small and there was not a lot of room and they had to stick me on the side sort of in the way of everything.  I think i was there for about 20 minutes although it could have been 2 minutes; i'm not sure. Up until this point i was completely calm but sitting there waiting made me a maniac. I was all scrubbed up with my camera in my hand.  My phone was in my pocket constantly vibrating with text message and facebook notifications.  Finally i took it out and just as i did the screen lit and it said:

I said WTF!!! and just then they called me into the operating room.  Now for those who know me will know that i was a HUGE Beastie Boy fan. They were like heroes of mine growing up.  What a way to start this pregnancy!!   I actually whispered this to my wife as the DR was cutting her open.. yes i did. hahah

Edit Monday 10:30AM

When i walked into the operating room, I got a quick glimpse of Enrique Inglesias (read my prior blog to know what the hell i am talking about) and a bunch of other people standing over my wife's exposed intestines.. or at least thats what i thought it was.  They sat me down next to my wife's head.  There was a curtain over her.  For unknown reasons i was not able to look over the curtain until told.  I was not able to videotape and was only able to take pics when the DR said so.  I was like HUH.. i had a whole photo shoot ready.  So i sat there.. oh and i told my wife about MCA dying.. i dont know why i do these things. I started off by saying "guess who died?" to her quick response "OMG..WHO???" as there are 3 hands in my wife's stomach. I say "MCA".. she says "WHO???".  Obviously the wrong time to tell her that a Beastie Boy died.  

There were some strange noises:  gurgling, farting sounds, squishing, slurping; and some tugging.  I couldn't see anything except my wife's head occasionally look like it was getting tugged from the other side of the curtain.  And so as these noises were going on and my wife was getting tossed around, the Drs began to talk about restaurants and golf.  Yes.  They did.  I told my wife as long as they are NOT talking about what they are doing then it is a good thing. UNLESS, this is the Drs code to talk about something bad in a conspicuous way.  Like, golf means "This shit is bad" and a certain restaurant name means "Is that 2 heads??".  Luckily everything was fine. 

About 10 minutes in, i was told to stand and take a look.  I did.  Words cant describe what i saw.  There in front of me was my daughters head sticking out of my wife's stomach.  At first, i thought they were making an Alien remake but i didn't see any cameras.  I never thought i would look at a head popping out of someone's stomach and think how beautiful it is.  Man this shit changes you.  As my little daughters head is popping out, she made some little noises which then sent my wife into a frenzy.  I get dizzy even writing it. There was so much going on in that moment and all i seemed to care about was getting a good photo shot.. which i didnt . booooooooo.  They pulled the baby out and brought it over to Rose and I.  There in front of us was this purple, bloody, squirmy mess. It was beautiful!  I never thought i can love something that looked like that soooo much. hahaa.  Rose immediately freaked out and started crying and i was like Dude.. let's clean this kid already.  Ok, i did not say that. I'm just trying to make up for my embarrassing emotions revealed above.  


They brought little Ava to the cleaning station or whatever you call it. There was a lamp above her so maybe the french fry station?  They called me over and what i saw in front of me was the most BEAUTIFUL thing i have ever seen.  That was when i had my moment.  There was this perfect little person (clean person..) laying and squirming and crying in front of me.  I grabbed her little finger and said "HI..Im your Daddy!!" and she responded back "Good now get me the fuck out of here!!"


The next few hours were just a blur.  My wife was in the recovery and i had the baby. It was cruel in a way. My poor wife went through over 9 months of carrying her and then major surgery to deliver her and here i am holding her.  I felt bad in a way but yet like this is my baby...stay away!!  

I'm a dad!!

And so here i am today.  She is sleeping in front of me and im writing this. And as I write i think about what her life will be like.  I come to the realization that every single thing i do or say to this child WILL impact her in some way.  I just shit a little in my pants.  She is fucked!!  




Speaking of shit.. our little Ava had explosive diarrhea (maybe reaction to formula).  There was a moment when i was cleaning her disgusting diaper and then BOOM.  Shit flew out of her ass like the Bellagio water fountains.  It was like projectile shit..if thats possible.  And so I jumped on it.. not literally... and cleaned it up as quick as i can.  Just as i started cleaning it, she peed all over the place.  It was a great moment!  I'm officially a father!

Up next 8 jobs I do NOT want my Ava to have.