My morning Starbucks experience...

As i sip my Starbucks coffee this morning, i think about my recent Starbucks "smug" encounter and so i decided to write about it.


Today is Friday; bagel day at work.  It is my turn to get bagels.. booo.  So I decide to be a nice co-worker and pick up a fresh box of Starbucks coffee as a nice gesture.  I was in a fantastic mood.  It's drizzling out which means the humidity is high which also means that my sinuses are bothering me.  The roads are wet.  Their was traffic on my way in. I was overcharged for my bagels.  Did i mention its drizzling out?  Of course, i am NOT in a fantastic mood.  As i enter Starbucks, I think Ahh, i havent had coffee in awhile (im a green tea drinker. dont judge).  What a great treat., having no idea what i was about to go through.


I walk in.  Ahead of me i see 2 young men; perhaps late 20's, mid 30s.  I say "young" because, Im 33 and consider myself young.  They are both wearing that face that clearly shows that the universe would not go on existing if they were not on this Earth.  I have an ironic thought, perhaps these guys need coffee, as i approach the counter.  One of the men, wearing a very bushy beard and too-cool-for-school glasses, says "can i help you", in a way that I would get slapped by my mom when i was a child if i talked this way to strangers.  I say "Hi. Yes. I would like a box of coffee please.".....



Well.. you would think if i asked him if his mother breast fed him until he was 11.  The look i got was priceless.  He says to me, with that self-satisfying look, "A box of coffee?  What is a box of coffee?".  Im puzzled by this.  I dont shop for coffee too often so i start to panic in my head.  I think I know that Dunkin Donuts has box of Joes.  I could have swore that Starbucks has them too.

I can hear crickets preparing their song as i say the following "You know, like a Box of Joe from Dunkin Donuts.  Maybe its called Box of Starbucks or something."  It sounded better in my mind before i said it.  I give  him my usual charm and smile as i say this.


His face drops as he says "This isnt Dunkin Donuts.  This is Starbucks." and repeated "Box of coffee?  I am not sure what that is.", loud enough so the other employees can join in on the fun.  Immediately, like evil lurking out of the darkness, came 2 other people from the back room all looking at each other with stupid faces saying "Box of coffee?".  I felt like i was in the Twilight Zone and Rod Sterling was going to come out smoking saying "This man picked the perfect day for a cup of coffee or box of coffee i should say. Any other day he would get what he wants.  But not this day... in the Twilight Zone."


I was teased when i was younger; not like tormented or anything, but with a name like Bartosiewicz and being polish you are going to stand out a bit.  Because of this, I've learned to make fun of myself and laugh at situations like this.  So i begin to laugh and say "Box of coffee?  What an idiot i am!" and make believe i am totally on their side.  They are still looking at each other like i asked for an oil change. Finally, one of the brainiacs says "Do you mean a Traveler?"  I say "I have no idea what that is" completely attempting to be on their side.  For a second, i actually grew facial hair and looked like i belonged in an Indy band.  It quickly went away as they all looked at me and said fiercly, "Yes, you mean a Traveler" as one of the board members from Vanilla Sky points up at one of the shelves to a box totally pretending that he did not know what i meant all along.    Yes .. it was a box.

I say "Yes thats exactly it. It's a box, no?" and begin to plead,  "Isnt't that a box of coffee??".  I can feel my face get even hotter and redder as i state the obvious to the Oasis brothers.  Very smugly I get the following response from the bushy bearded Sonic Youth band member, "That is our Starbucks Traveler.  It's not a box but actually paper made from post-consumer recycled cups.".  He gave me a smirk after saying this that made me envision my body jump over the counter and pound his face in.  Instead,   I think i actually let out an aggravated groan as i bit my lip saying like Mike Myers in Wayne's World after his encounter with Alice Cooper, "I was not aware of that.".  The SmugSter says to me in a make-believe-we-are-best-friends-now way, "Yes, just next time ask for a traveler." as he walks away and snickers with his co-workers to fill up my BOX of coffee.  

The morale of this story is simple.  Never order a box of coffee at Starbucks.  It's called a Starbucks Traveler.  Are you stupid???