A Father-to-Be Perspective Pt1 - The 3 Main Questions...

Most people wait at least 3 months to tell the world they are pregnant.  We waited 2 days. I am not happy about this but that it is just how it happend.  When my wife told me the wonderful news on Monday, Sept 12, we thought about how long we would wait.  1 month, 2, the standard 3.  Well, we waited literally 27 hours to tell her parents.  Then, of course, at her parents house, her mom insisted that we call her brother. So we did. Then we HAAAD to call her Grandmother who just so happened and convienently be at her aunt's house with some other aunt and uncles as well.  So when we left the house that night, almost half of her family already knew the news. Quite honestly, i believe her whole family knew by the time we walked to the car and got in it.  I waited till the weekend to tell my parents.  Unlike Rose's family, mine didnt say a word.  I think they forgot all about it when we left.  We had all of our close friends over 2 weeks later and BOOM all of our family and friends knew.

I waited awhile to tell my coworkers. I am not sure why but i wish i had waited for 3.5 years to tell them that Rose WAS  pregnant and that our baby is now 3.  It wasnt that it was a bad thing to tell my coworkers, well at least not in the beginning, it just became a chore to answer the same 3 questions over and over again during the first few months of pregnancy.

THE 3 MAIN QUESTIONS

Like everything you do in life, there is always the standard questions that come with it.  "How is work going" or "How is the wife" or "Did you get to second base yet with that model?" or "How did you make out with that gerbil incident".  You get my point.  This is ok and as humans we are used to this type of small talk.  It helps us get by, perhaps, in our everyday lives, asking questions that you really dont care about the answer.  But seeing the same people for 8+ hours a day, 40+ hours a week, asking the same questions everytime they see you can pay its toll.  So once the "My wife is pregnant" story gets old and everyone knows, these 3 questions begin:

When is the baby due?

My answer:  May 16th.. I started to wear a pin that said "My daughter is due May 16".  Ok, no i didnt but that would have been a fantastic idea. 

Followed with "Do you know what you are having?"

My answer:  "Yes a girl." Then, in the begining I would usually tell my story about how i was really hoping for a boy and that when they told us it was a girl I said "are you sure?". However, after saying this to the same people every other day because nobody pays attention or cares i gave up and simply just said "girl". 

Then immediately followed by "Do you have a name picked out?"

My answer:  "Yes Ava".  I learned very quick to say "Ava Rose" because people would immediately ask "just Ava?" and then i would have to say "no, Ava Rose" as if saying a middle name really means any fucking thing!  This would then get followed with "AvaRose?" and i would have to say "No.  Her first name is Ava and her middle name is Rose".  Sigghhhh

These are the 3 main questions that i believe are in the book "What to ask an expecting couple when they are expecting" OR instead maybe we were taught this in school.  I am not sure, but everyone seemed to always ask this for the first 2-5 months.  What would piss me the fuck off is when people that i just told this to would ask me a week later.  Enough with the small talk.  If you dont care about my life then dont ask.  If you do care then at least try to remember.  Write it down or something. Shit. 

The Haters

During this entire process, i noticed something. Actually, i learned this many years ago but more so now.  Humans are fucking assholes!  They dont care at all about anything you have to say or do.  They basically just want to hear that you are living the same pathetic life that they are just so they can move about their day.  Unfortunately for others, my wife and i have a fantastic relationship and a phenomenal life.  Nobody understands this apparently as i get the "she will change you will see" or "she's not like that huh?".  NO..she's not!!   I love my wife and if anything this "situation", as somebody called it, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  This, my friends, is the hater.  Here is an example of a hater....

{Going to kitchen at work to get some tea. I run into somebody i dont see too often.}

"Hi Bob. How is it going?" I say using a fake name for legal purposes.  Bob says, "Fine Danny.  Hey I heard your wife is pregnant."  "Yes", i say getting ready to answer the 3 questions.  "Ha.  Looks like your life is over.  Say goodbye to all your free time", says Bob as he wears a stupid fake smile that he bought at the dollar store.  I follow up by saying, "Hahaha.  Yes, tell me about it.  I will talk to you later." as I bite my lip and leave the kitchen quickly before throwing my green tea on that fake cheap smile.  

This example is not real but similar to stuff i have been getting.  Here are the most famous HaterAde things that people have said to me and i am sure to many of you who are or when you were pregnant:

• Enjoy those vacations now because you wont be having them for awhile. 
• yes.. i will!  We have our parents who WILL watch our baby when we go on vacations OR we will bring our daughter with us if we feel terrible leaving our baby home. 
• Better get as much sleep now because in a couple months you wont be getting any. 
• This is the most famous of them all.  This makes no sense.  What is the logic behind this.  Ok.  I get an extra 2 hours of sleep tonight.  Then Ava is born.  She is screaming and crying one night.  Rose and I are up.  I say to her "You know what Babe..thank GOD we got those extra hours of sleep 3 months ago because God Daammmm we'd be sooo tired now!"   What the Shit??
• I hope you have been saving your money.  
• Ok.  A little infant requires a lot of care and a lot of attention.  But money it does not require at all.  It needs LOTS of diapers and formula.  Perhaps the Haters reading this will have different opinoins but i think we will be fine. If this was the case then every single family on the planet would be broke.
• Your house is going to be a mess.
• Yes.  I konw this. Thanks for reminding me. 
• Wait till the baby has her first shit fest and it goes all over the place.
• Once again, thanks for the reminder.  
• You drive a 2 door. OMG. You are going to need a bigger car. 
• No.  My wife has a CRV.  I will be fine with my 2 door. I am a big boy who works out hard.  I can lift a baby in and out of my car no problem. If half of the world can do it, so can i. 

The Repeaters

Besides, Haters, you have Repeaters.  These are the people who ask the same freaking questions every time they see you.  This is more so in the last trimester.  It seems that everybody at this point, except for people i talk to on a regular basis, are in this phase.  Some of the repeater questions:

• How far along is Rose?
• How is she feeling?
• She didnt get sick?  Wow!  (hater)
• Then a revised 3 main questions if they care to talk to you any longer:
• What is the due date again?
• What are you having again?
• What is the name again?
• Did you have the baby shower yet?
• Is her room all done?
• Is her name E-V-A or A-V-A?
• Are you guys excited?

That last question is something that i have gotten SO much.  How do you answer this?  No, I am not excited at all.  In fact, i am in the process of leaving that dirty, rotten, sneaky bitch that is my wife.  I CAN NOT believe that she let me {you know} inside her {you know}.  What a BITCH.  Seriously, how can you ask somebody if they are excited about having a baby?  Thats like asking "Are you excited" to someone who just won the Mega Millions 640 million dollar jackpot. 

I am sure many of you can relate to this blog post.  This whole experience has been incredible including the Haters and Repeaters. We have gotten so much love and it truly brought my wife and i closer which i didnt think it was possible.  I just wish she was excited about having this baby!  ;-)

Up next The Name Daddy is SOOOO Played Out.